This time, it's personal.  

Posted by Elysabeth Williams

This time last year, my Mom died of pneumonia very quickly and left us all in shock. This year my husband will have four vertebrae fused in his neck and will be unable to work for at least six weeks and will not be able to drive for four to eight months. We're all stressed out around here, but trying to stay sane and enjoy the gearing up of the holiday season. The surgery hasn't happened yet and I'm already at wits' end.

Incidentally, he will be having the surgery on the same day my mother died.

When I remembered I was freaked out.

Then I had to remember something a very wise woman told me in June of 2001;
"Don't let one day cast a shadow on someone's entire life. One day out of many does not define who they were." On June 20, 2001, my then fiance (the wise woman's oldest son,) died in a car crash. I was stuck in a haze for years.

On June 20, 2007, my youngest daughter was born. A day that was once nightmarish to me became one of the most blessed days of my life.

Now, I remember December 10, 2008 as the day I held my breath when I heard the words said by my sister, "she passed." While I remember it on December 10, 2009, I'll be driving to another hospital to hold my breath again.

So as I'm sitting here self absorbed, pissed off at the world and thinking everyone is paying attention to only themselves, I'm interrupted by a squeaky "yeehaw" from the other side of the room.

I look up from the computer to see my precious child who was born on what was the worst day of my life, riding a stick horse with a cowboy hat saying "yeehaw."

I'm okay again.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 02, 2009 at Wednesday, December 02, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


{{{{HUGS}}}} I mean that- you are amazing. Sometimes all we can do is take a deep breath and get through a day or even an hour at a time. Make sure you twitter the day before because I want to be thinking of you and your husband all day that day he's in surgery.

December 2, 2009 at 1:51 PM

I really appreciate it. I'm sure I'll either tweet or post about it the day of surgery. The surgery takes about 3-5 hours so I'm sure I'll have to distract myself.
Thank you!

December 2, 2009 at 2:54 PM

Thank you for letting us in and sharing your fears. We will be here for you. We will be in your pocket while you sit at the hospital. Reach in, touch your phone and feel us there, holding your hand.

December 3, 2009 at 9:09 AM

Our children are wonderful at pulling us back into the here and now. I am very sorry to hear of your losses. I hope the holidays are merry and bright for your family, and the stress is kept to a minimum.

December 3, 2009 at 9:20 AM

Thanks for sharing such a personal ordeal. I loved your "don't let one day..." quote.
5 years ago it was 2 days before Christmas, my husband and I had been out of town, and for the first time in years I had a good time and no anxiety attack.
When I got home there were several messages from my mom and her husband, my dad had died that day.
I felt so guilty for being out, having a good time, and not "knowing" something was wrong. That day stayed with me for a long time.
I repeat what Jeanne said, we will be close, as close as the buttons on your phone when you need to talk, or rant, or whatever.

December 3, 2009 at 9:30 AM

Thanks so much, y'all.
I'll be sure to keep as up to date as possible.
Jamie, we were on our way to the hospital when my mom passed. She died alone in a coma that the doctors had put her in to help. That fact really bothers me, so I understand the guilt of not being there. I hate that we didn't make it in time.

December 3, 2009 at 9:46 AM

I hope everything goes well hun. I will be thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

December 3, 2009 at 6:03 PM

thank you xoxoxox

December 3, 2009 at 10:32 PM

I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. It's tomorrow isn't it?

December 9, 2009 at 10:30 PM

It was today. I'll update when things settle down. I'm too tired to focus right now.
Thank you for thinking of us. <3

December 10, 2009 at 10:54 PM

wow! you are a warrior. what an inspiration you are. i am in awe and amazed by your strenghth and courage. thanks for sharing your story. hope every one is getting healthy!

January 30, 2010 at 9:23 AM

Post a Comment